just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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