I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
