I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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