my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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