You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
