after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
