Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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