I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
