We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
