If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
