but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
