Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
