she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the condom got lost in my hair
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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