youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My pussy is not your playground.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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