soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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