her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
