you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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