i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
