Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
