There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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