Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
