No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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