I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
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I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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