During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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