that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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