i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
