i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
