So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
