I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize