Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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