I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
