apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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