he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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