Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
