My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
