Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
