The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
