If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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