Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
