I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
