Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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