I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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