Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
