The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
