i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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