just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
