do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
