WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I want to be your penis for a week.
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I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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