I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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