Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
