Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
