We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
