Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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