I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
