Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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