Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
