i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
