So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
