you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
