PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize