My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
